


I can't make you love me

by cyran9



Category: Dragon Age (Video Games), Dragon Age: Inquisition
Genre: Angst, F/M, Oneshot, request, solasmance, solasmancer
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-03-16
Updated: 2015-03-16
Packaged: 2018-03-18 04:14:16
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,494
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3555632
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/cyran9/pseuds/cyran9
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>A Solavellan oneshot for thesnowmage using Bon Iver’s “Nick of Time” for inspiration. </p><p>Lavellan wants closure, a fitting end to what she had with Solas. The last time he held her could not be the last time. It can't end this way. She can let him go if she can hold him one more time. </p><p>Contains angst, a non-traditional breakup, mutual respect, and a simple request from the broken-hearted.</p>
            </blockquote>





	I can't make you love me

Lavellan had returned from Crestwood alongside her former lover, crestfallen and broken, yet resolved to endure until she could reach the sanctuary of her bed. They walked in uncomfortable silence. Words were too hollow and empty to express what had transpired in the past few hours. She needed the silence, the aloneness, to release the hurt within her chest. Solas had remained silent and forlorn yet determined to keep on his chosen path.

She would not beg. She would not plead. She would not break into hysterics. She would not.

They parted ways upon entering Skyhold and she walked the long, winding staircase to her chambers. If anyone had seen her, waived, or called out she had been oblivious. She entered the large bedroom and the emptiness of it flooded her senses.

The absence of Solas could be felt in the air, on the great bed where they had slept, and on the stone floor on which they had danced. She collapsed to her knees and wept.

He did not love her. Perhaps he had at one time, for a while, but no more. What was she supposed to do with all this love and longing within herself? Her heart cried out for him, demanded one more night with him! The last time could not have been the last! She needed him in her arms once more, if only once more, or she would go truly mad!

She wrote a letter requesting his presence and sent the messenger to deliver it. He would probably refuse. He would definitely refuse her request. They had always believed in being honest with another though and if anyone could understand, it would be him.

Nightfall came. The stars shone in from the balcony. Lavellan sat in her chair and looked out at the amber lights of Skyhold. Her eyes burned with exhaustion and from crying. She had given up hope of him answering her when she heard the soft footfalls on the stair landing.

“Inquisitor.” She looked at him, truly looked at him. He was expressionless, emotionless, and more distant than she had ever seen him. He was here, in her room, but he was long gone and way beyond her grasp. His hands clasped behind his back, shoulders back, and chin up. He was no longer the warm, smiling lover who had embraced her two nights ago. She looked at him with eyes that were tired and unshielded.

“How do we do this, Solas? How do we pretend? Show me.”

His gaze was resolute, unchanging. His voice very matter of fact. “I can not. That is something you must learn for yourself. We each have a path we must walk. In that, we must endure.”

She rose from her chair, crossed her arms. “I do not want to endure. I want to erase you as easily as you seem to have erased me.” He did not flinch but his expression tightened as he clenched his jaw.

“I am sorry. It was selfish of me to encour-...”

“Stop it! Don’t tell me that again.” she snapped. His lips were silent and he shot her a glare that was half irritation and half hurt.

“I can’t pretend to know what you are thinking. After last night I wonder if you meant any of the things you said.”

“Inquisitor...” he took a small step forward and then caught himself and stopped in his tracks. “There is nothing more I can say on the matter. It is done.”

“Yes, that chapter is definitely closed...for you. For me, it is not.” The space between them felt like a chasm that was threatening to collapse and swallow her whole.

“Why did you call me here? There are no words that can change what must be.” He stood as still as a statue and his eyes were as close to vacant as she had ever seen. If he felt something, anything, he was pushing it so far down that it was dead or drowning.

Lavellan walked past him to the giant, empty bed where they had spent so many nights entangled in each other, covering one another in kisses, eliciting gasps of passion and declarations of love, and confiding in one another. She reached out shakily, took the covers in her hand, and pulled them back.

She turned to face him. His face was a cool mask as he stared at the bed. He looked at her after a long moment and there was a flash of pain there, ever so briefly, before it slipped away. His eyes met hers and he waited. Her move.

“I can’t leave it like this, Solas. I’m not like you in this way. I can’t just walk away from you and pretend none of it mattered.”

She moved until she stood before him, felt his soft breaths as they fell upon her face. Here, in this closeness, she could feel the rapid pace of his heart and the amount of restraint in his body. There was something there, something within him still responding to her, but it was not enough. His silence was deafening. She traced her fingers along his pendant, so familiar to her touch.

“Lay down with me tonight, Solas. In the morning, I will let you go. I will give up this fight. But I need closure. ”

Solas shook his head slowly. “No. It is not right.”

Lavellan was losing her resolve, felt passion and longing overriding her judgment. She had to remind herself that somewhere in this shell of Solas there was the man she had grown to love fiercely and he had compassion for those who were hurting.

“I can’t make you love me...if... if you don’t. Please do me this kindness, Solas. I can’t lay in that bed knowing the last time you laid with me in it was as a lover. Just hold me, that’s all I ask. Let’s at least pretend we had a good-bye.”

A deep, rattled breath escaped his body despite his attempt to restrain it. Her eyes began to sting. She wanted to hold him, kiss him, tell him she was devoted to him. She wanted to draw out the man who had loved her, called her vhenan, and given her so many beautiful memories of his kisses and embraces. He was gone though.

She turned from him, blew out her candle and crawled into her empty bed. She laid her head upon her pillow as the tears began to stream down her face.

“Go.” She said, the emotion choking her words and betraying her resolve.

In the darkness she felt a hand slide across the bed and withdraw the covers. Solas slid onto the bed behind her ever so gently, pulled up the blankets to cover her shoulders, and laid his body next to hers. She bit her lips to restrain the sob that was threatening to break free.

“Just for tonight.” she heard him say quietly. “This is a mistake, vhen-...Inquisitor.” There was a pause as he gathered his composure. Old habits were hard to break. She wanted to turn to him, embrace him, kiss him. But that was not what tonight was about. That would never be again.

She could feel the tension in his body as he lay there next to her.

“Solas...”

“Yes?” His voice was husky yet tight.

“Tell me you lied. Tell me you don’t love me.”

Solas turned his body towards hers, spooning against her as they had so many nights, her curves matching perfectly to his contours. He wrapped his arm around her waist, the other reached around her pillow and grasped her hand, fingers seeking to intertwine out of habit.

“I can’t..” His voice broke and he swallowed hard. “...and I won’t.” His breath was warm against the back of her neck. She placed her arm over his, wrapping her fingers around the hand that circled her waist.

“It does not change anything, lethallan. This is selfish of us both. It will not happen again.”

She took a deep breath, resolve beginning to strengthen within her again.

“I know. But for tonight, we will close our eyes and pretend you still love me.”

Solas’ heart beat against her back with a heavy thrum and sorrow filled the tiny spaces between them.

“And in the morning? What will you do then, lethallan?” His voice was more tender, a shadow of the man she loved.

“In the morning, we will say our goodbyes. It will be as if it never was.”

Solas pulled her body more tightly against his own and rested his cheek against the flat of her ear. Her breath steadied and she began to slip into sleep. Just as she was drifting away a soft whisper began to tug her back.

Thinking her asleep, his faint whisper filled her ear. “No matter what comes, vhenan...I want you to know that what we had was real.”

And in the morning, he was gone.

**Author's Note:**

> I cheated and listened the George Michael version. :)


End file.
